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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24549184">stomp on ur GUTS</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaemarked/pseuds/jaemarked'>jaemarked</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>NCT (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - High School, Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Relationship, Light Angst, M/M, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, Self-Esteem Issues</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 01:09:15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,587</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24549184</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaemarked/pseuds/jaemarked</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Dating the popular kid isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Mark Lee/Na Jaemin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>248</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>stomp on ur GUTS</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>a reverse bday gift from me to you!!</p><p>also happy haechan day lol</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><em>A 250 kg motorcycle is driven around a 12 meter tall vertical circular track at a constant speed of 11 m/s. Determine the normal and friction forces at the four points labeled in the diagram below. </em>Mark twirled a pencil between his fingers as he examined the diagram, chewing on his lower lip as he scribbled down the steps to solve the problem. The cafeteria was noisy as ever, but he did his best to tune it out as he worked.</p><p>“Whatcha doin’ babe?” Was his only warning before an arm was slung around his shoulders and a warm body pressed into his side. He looked up at his boyfriend’s brilliant grin and offered a small smile in return before looking down at his worksheet again, cheeks flaming. Mark always felt shy whenever Jaemin openly expressed his affection.</p><p>“Just Physics,” Mark replied, writing <em>Ni = 7490 N</em> in his notebook. He debated putting his homework away to focus on Jaemin, but the younger didn’t seem to care as he scrolled through his Instagram feed. “How was History?”</p><p>“It was good! We’re starting this new project—“</p><p>“Jaemin!”</p><p>Both Jaemin and Mark turned around to see Renjun, the vice president, and Jeno, the secretary, approaching, carrying clipboards and looking harried. Mark groaned internally when Jaemin immediately climbed off the bench. His side felt cold. He felt lonely even though Jaemin was still there, just slightly out of reach.</p><p>“What’s wrong?” He heard Jaemin ask, and Mark immediately tuned them out, focusing on the set of problems in front of him instead of the problems of the student council. It probably had something to do with the Fall Formal, and although Mark was dating the student body president, he couldn’t care less about the dance. It was next Friday, and he had a shift at the gas station, so it wasn’t like he could make it anyway.</p><p>He loved Jaemin, and he loved that Jaemin was so passionate about school spirit and student council events, but he just couldn’t put the same energy into caring so much about dances and prom and pep rallies. It wasn’t that he thought Jaemin’s worries were less important — they just didn’t overlap his own worries. He really tried his best to pay attention and help when he could though. Anything that mattered to Jaemin was important.</p><p>“What do you think, Mark?”</p><p>Mark startled, looking up from his Physics textbook. Jaemin, Renjun, and Jeno were wearing matching frowns when they realized he wasn’t paying attention. He felt his stomach sink.</p><p>“Sorry, sorry, I blanked out,” Mark said nervously, putting his pencil down and shifting so he was facing them properly. “What did you say?”</p><p>Renjun opened his mouth, looking like he was about to rip Mark a new one, but Jaemin touched his shoulder lightly and stopped him, giving Mark a gentle smile. He understood Mark better than anyone. “The balloon store canceled our order for the balloon arch, but there’s no other places in the city that are willing to do it. We’re gonna have to do it ourselves, but we’re debating if we should rent a helium tank or if we should just buy a bunch of helium balloons.”</p><p>“Maybe just…don’t get the balloon arch?” Mark suggested. Balloon arches weren’t <em><em>essential</em></em> for dances, were they? He was sure they could find another alternative for decorations.</p><p>All he received were blank, unimpressed stares in return. Wrong answer, then.</p><p>Jaemin heaved a huge sigh, and Renjun couldn’t turn away fast enough to hide his eye roll. Jeno just smiled, but it was tight and awkward. Mark <em><em>felt</em></em> awkward. Life was easier just a few minutes ago when his only problems were the ones in Centripetal Acceleration Problem Set #3.</p><p>“Let’s just go up to Mr. Byun’s. I’m sure he’ll have a solution,” Renjun suggested, and Mark watched as Jaemin immediately left, the vice president and secretary on his heels. He didn’t even spare Mark a second glance. Which was… well, it wasn’t fine. It kind of hurt. But Mark knew that Jaemin was just stressed with the situation, so he just offered a weak “bye” before turning back to his Physics homework.</p><p><em>If a boy speaks,</em> Mark mused, <em>and no one is around to hear it, then did he really say anything at all? </em></p><p> </p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>“So you’re really not going to the formal?”</p><p>Donghyuck blew a pink bubble the size of his face out of his chewing gum. Mark leaned over with a pen in his hand, tempted to pop it, but in the end he returned to his worksheet on trig identities. He was currently working the late shift at the gas station, waiting for Jungwoo to relieve him for the overnight shift. Jungwoo was running late today, but Mark was allowed to do his homework at the counter, so he didn’t really care either way.</p><p>Donghyuck was currently keeping him company by taking gum without paying for it and occasionally solving Mark’s homework questions within seconds. Donghyuck had dropped out at the beginning of senior year, switching to online classes because he couldn’t stand being around other people. He had a short temper and a bit of an attitude, but he was kind and gentle and more importantly, Mark’s best friend.</p><p>“I can’t, Hyuckie,” Mark sighed, “I have a shift and no one can cover it. Jungwoo offered but…”</p><p>“But Lucas asked him to the formal,” Donghyuck finished, pushing his gum into a Kleenex and wrapping it up, tucking it into the pocket of his leather jacket to throw away later. “You didn’t try to book it off?”</p><p>“I did,” Mark muttered darkly. “As soon as Jaemin told me the date, I requested it off, but the manager scheduled me in anyway.”</p><p>He didn’t know how to explain the feeling that he got when he saw the shift beside his name on the schedule, a “FRI - 6PM–12AM” printed instead of “RDO”. The thing was, he couldn’t even confront the manager about it, because he was worried he would be fired. His former coworkers had been fired for less and he really, really needed this job.</p><p>(Didn’t want to think about what he’d do without this job that paid fifty cents higher than the minimum wage and was close to his house. Didn’t want to think of the bills piling up on the kitchen table. Of his mother crying in her room late at night when she thought he was asleep.)</p><p>“Fucking bastard,” Donghyuck cursed under his breath, shifting on the stool he was perched on. “How did Jaemin react when you told him you couldn’t go?”</p><p>“He was—“ <em>disappointed, he’s always disappointed in me these days</em> “—understanding. Jaemin knows that I don’t have a choice.”</p><p>Jaemin knew, and he said he understood, but he hadn’t been able to turn away fast enough to hide his downturned lips and disappointed stare. Guilt washed over Mark just thinking about it. Jaemin had been talking about the Fall Formal for upwards of a month now, excited to be able to go with Mark. It would be their first dance together as a couple — they had gotten together during the summer before Mark’s senior year began.</p><p>“He was still upset, wasn’t he?” Donghyuck said, more like a statement than a question.</p><p>Mark nodded. “He tried his best to hide it, I know he doesn’t blame me. But…I still feel really bad. It’s an important event.”</p><p>“To him,” Donghyuck said gently.</p><p>Mark sighed. It seemed like he did that a lot these days. He got to his feet just as a few students from his school approached the counter, their arms loaded with greasy chips and energy drinks. He began the tedious process of ringing them up, punching in the numbers of the old cash register.</p><p>“The Fall Formal isn’t important to me,” Mark admitted once he finished bagging all of the snacks. “Sorry, have a good night!” He handed the bags to the teenagers on the other side of the counter and watched them exit through the front doors. “Uh, what was I saying? Oh yeah, it’s not important to me, but it’s important to Jaemin, so I’ve gotta figure out a way to go.”</p><p>“Mark!” Jungwoo crashed through the doors, looking like he fought a tornado and lost. “I’m so sorry I’m late, my car broke down.”</p><p>“No worries,” Mark said, already beginning to pack his school stuff back into his bag. He stretched, wincing when his spine popped, then went into the staff room to clock out and grab his jacket.</p><p>“Jaehyun is gonna drive you home,” Donghyuck said when he returned, referring to his boyfriend and Mark’s co-worker. “He’s already on his way, no use in declining.”</p><p>“Hyuck,” Mark sighed, but he was grateful. Exhaustion was hitting hard, too many late nights of studying combined with shifts at the gas station finally catching up to him. He didn’t think he could manage the walk home, and he didn’t exactly live in the safest neighborhood. “Okay, at least let me pay for gas.”</p><p>Donghyuck rolled his eyes, seizing Mark’s wrist and dragging him out the doors after calling goodbye to Jungwoo. “Don’t be ridiculous, he’s coming to pick me up, so either way he’d have to make the drive. Our houses are like two streets apart, there’s not much of a difference. Besides, Jaehyun <em>offered</em> to drive you. So shut the fuck up and let us do nice things for you.”</p><p>“Aggressive,” Mark commented, eyebrows raised, but he couldn’t stop the smile from spreading on his face. Donghyuck smiled back at him, brighter than the neon signs lining the windows of the gas station.</p><p>“You know it, baby.” Mark rolled his eyes, fishing his phone out from his backpack. It had ended up at the very bottom of his bag, beneath his textbooks and his Kuromi pencil case (gifted to him by Jaemin on their third date). He thumbed the home button to turn the screen on, his shitty iPhone 5c flickering to life after a few seconds. The battery was almost dead. “Huh, that’s weird.”</p><p>“What’s up?” Donghyuck was crouched on the ground, tying the laces of his combat boots. He straightened when Mark spoke, leaning into Mark’s side to look at his phone screen.</p><p>“Jaemin usually spams me during my shifts, but he didn’t message me at all today.” Mark pushes his phone into his pocket, swallowing around the lump in his throat. He felt uneasy. <em>Was Jaemin mad at him for what happened earlier?</em></p><p>“He’s probably just busy with student council shit.” Donghyuck swiped Mark’s phone out of his hands, grimacing at the cracks in the screen. “You really need to get a new phone, Mark.”</p><p>“Maybe when one falls out of the sky and into my hands,” Mark joked wryly. He knew he needed a new phone, because this one wasn’t going to last much longer, but he wasn’t able to buy one just yet. He had been slowly putting aside money for a refurbished model, since they were generally cheaper than brand new ones, but he had to prioritize bills and saving for university. The only reason he had a cell phone in the first place was because he needed one for work. “I think I might get another job.”</p><p>“You already don’t sleep enough,” Donghyuck said, disapproval evident in his tone. “You can’t continue working yourself to the bone, not when you have school.”</p><p>“I don’t have much of a choice,” Mark said quietly, and Donghyuck didn’t say anything to that, because he knew all too well why Mark was slowly killing himself trying to juggle school and part-time work. He didn’t have much time for leisure these days -- most of his free time was spent with Jaemin, who was the bright spot in his otherwise gloomy life.</p><p>Donghyuck stepped forward, and after a moment of hesitation, wrapped his arms around Mark, who stiffened, but relaxed in his best friend’s hold, resting his head on Donghyuck’s shoulder. His eyes fell shut, and he let out his breath in a slow, heavy exhale, trying to let go of the stress and exhaustion that had been accumulating for weeks.</p><p>“You deserve better, Mark Lee,” Donghyuck said quietly, with the kind of raw honesty that both of them tended to avoid. Mark hugged him back as tightly as possible. Things were shitty, but they could be worse. He had his mom, and Donghyuck, and Jaemin. He would be okay. “Jaehyun is here.”</p><p>Mark pulled away, clearing his throat just as Jaehyun pulled up in his 2008 Toyota Corolla gifted to him by his parents when he graduated two years ago. Jaehyun and Mark weren’t close, but he was dating Mark’s best friend, so Mark saw him pretty often. He was grateful for Jaehyun’s desire to make Donghyuck happy, and he was grateful that Jaehyun was always willing to drive him home.</p><p>Clambering into the backseat, Mark propped his backpack up against the window to use as a pillow. Donghyuck immediately began chatting Jaehyun’s ear off, talking about his day and his own job at a local grocery store. Mark buckled his seatbelt and settled in, crossing his arms over his chest and closing his eyes, content to listen to Donghyuck babble away. He didn’t realize he had dozed off until he woke to Donghyuck calling his name.</p><p>“Mark, hey. Mark. Jaehyunnie said he’ll take your shift next Friday.” This woke Mark up completely.</p><p>“Oh, no, it’s okay. You don’t have to do that,” Mark said instantly, cheeks pinking. He didn’t think Donghyuck would mention it to his boyfriend. It was awkward to think that Jaehyun may have offered just to appease Donghyuck.</p><p>Jaehyun shrugged from where he was sitting in the driver’s seat. “I wouldn’t mind, I could use the money to be honest. My textbooks are <em><em>not </em></em>cheap.”</p><p>“I can’t even go to the Fall Formal,” Mark protested, sitting up properly now. “I don’t have anything to wear.”</p><p>“I can help with that,” Jaehyun said eagerly, then proceeded to perform a very illegal U-turn that had Donghyuck screaming at him. Mark just sat there, wide-eyed as Jaehyun drove in the opposite direction of his house.</p><p>“You idiot,” Donghyuck fumed in the passenger seat. “How did you get your license? I’m going to kill you and they will <em><em>never </em></em>find the body.”</p><p>“Sorry, I won’t do it again.” Jaehyun didn’t sound very sorry, but he did sound like he was telling the truth about not doing it again. Relieved, Mark laid back down against his backpack again, although it was giving him an awful crick in the neck. His head felt too heavy to hold up, and he wanted to go back to sleep again.</p><p>A few minutes later, Jaehyun pulled up in front of an apartment building that Mark figured was his. Donghyuck climbed out of the car, pulling open the door closest to Mark and helping him unbuckle his seatbelt when his clumsy fingers couldn’t press down on the release button. He leaned heavily on Donghyuck as they made their way through the small lot to the front doors. Jaehyun swiped his key card to let them in, guiding them to an elevator. Mark clung onto the support bar at the back of the elevator, his aching legs unable to hold him up.</p><p>“Let Jae carry you,” Donghyuck murmured in his ear, but Mark shook his head, staring at the number eight button that was lit up as the doors closed and the elevator lurched upwards. He tripped over his feet following Jaehyun out of the elevator and Donghyuck caught him by the elbow. God, he was so tired.</p><p>“Taeyong!” Jaehyun hollered as soon as he opened his apartment door, seemingly unconcerned about the late hour. Mark startled badly, and Donghyuck pinched Jaehyun in the side as they stepped into the warm apartment that smelled like vanilla and cinnamon. “Are you stress-baking again?”</p><p>“Keep your voice down!” A slender, gorgeous man stepped into the living room, an apron tied around his waist and flour in his pink hair. “You know Doyoung and Kun sleep early on school nights! They always come over to complain how loud you are.”</p><p>“They’re hags, don’t take them seriously,” Jaehyun replied, waving Taeyong off as he struggled to toe his shoes off without untying the laces. Mark and Donghyuck stood awkwardly behind him, their own shoes already discarded. “Yong, you know Hyuckie, and beside him is his best friend, Markie.”</p><p>Mark raised an eyebrow, surprised to hear Jaehyun refer to him so fondly, and with a nickname, too. He didn’t think Jaehyun liked him that much, and simply tolerated him because he was Donghyuck’s friend.</p><p>“Oh, hello!” Taeyong began frantically untying his apron. Jaehyun walked over and wiped flour from his cheeks and hair with his sleeve. Mark and Donghyuck exchanged amused grins. “I’m Taeyong, it’s nice to meet one of Jaehyunnie’s friends. He usually only brings this little brat around.”</p><p>Taeyong came over and seized Donghyuck’s cheeks between his fingers, pinching and ignoring Donghyuck’s muffled protests. Mark laughed loudly, surprising himself.</p><p>“It’s nice to meet you too,” Mark said, wringing his hands nervously. He wasn’t really good with strangers — or socializing in general.</p><p>“Mark needs an outfit for the Fall Formal,” Jaehyun explained, coming to Mark’s rescue.</p><p>“Oh, do you go to NTSS? I graduated from there too.” Taeyong was practically glowing with the force of his smile. Mark felt overwhelmed. “The Fall Formal is one of the best dances.”</p><p>“Mark wouldn’t know, he switched to NTSS in the middle of last year,” Donghyuck said, finally escaping from Taeyong’s clutches with a pout on his lips.</p><p>“Hmm.” Taeyong stepped back to examine Mark up and down. Mark felt his cheeks heat up under his gaze and he struggled to not hide. He hit up the gym pretty frequently, but he wasn’t very muscular, choosing to study more than he worked. “I think I have something. Come with me.”</p><p>Seemingly unbothered by the fact that they were strangers, Taeyong took Mark’s hand and led him through the cluttered apartment, Jaehyun and Donghyuck at their heels. He was kind enough to not comment on Mark’s sweaty palm as they went into a bedroom that was presumably his own. Beyond the small bed in the corner and a desk against the wall, there wasn’t much else inside the room except for clothing racks upon clothing racks and a giant bulletin board filled with clothing designs and sewing patterns.</p><p>“Yongie is a fashion major,” Jaehyun explained, wrapping one arm around Donghyuck’s waist as Taeyong rifled through one of the racks. “Clothes are his life, basically.”</p><p>“That’s an understatement,” Taeyong said, pulling a few articles off the rack. “I got a job offer at House of Suh for when I graduate, it’s this company based in Paris—oh! Here, this one would look nice.”</p><p>He thrusted a black double breasted waistcoat and white satin button up shirt ensemble into Mark’s hands, then immediately shoved him back out of the room and across the hall into a tiny, poorly lit bathroom.</p><p>“Try this on, if it doesn’t fit we can make some quick adjustments, or look for something else,” Taeyong told him.</p><p>“Thank you,” Mark said, or tried to, but Taeyong was already pulling the bathroom door shut, leaving Mark alone to stare at the mirror above the sink. He didn’t know anything about clothing, but the fabric in his hands seemed too expensive for him. Still, he didn’t want to be rude when Taeyong was kind enough to give him — a complete stranger — fancy clothing for him to wear to a high school dance. He took off his backpack, jacket, and shirt, leaving his torso bare. The bathroom was chilly, and he shivered as he unbuttoned the satin shirt Taeyong had given him, slipping it off the hanger and putting it on.</p><p>It was a little too long at the sleeves, but he folded them carefully and tucked the hem into his work pants, redoing his belt and reaching for the waistcoat, shrugging it on with delicate hands and smoothing out the wrinkles. He touched the chain connecting two of the buttons, an accessory that looked nice but didn’t really serve a practical use, then examined his reflection in the mirror.</p><p>Mark was taken aback at how <em><em>nice </em></em>he looked. He did look a little bit like a kid playing dress up, with his hair falling into his eyes and baby fat still clinging to his cheeks, but he also looked more mature. Sophisticated. In something he would have never been able to afford on his own. His throat went dry as he stared at himself, at his shoulders and waist and chest in the outfit that had been given to him.</p><p>“Well?” Donghyuck’s impatient voice filtered in through the crack under the door. “Let’s see it!” It was the only warning he got before the bathroom door flung open, revealing Donghyuck, Taeyong, and Jaehyun crowded in the entrance.</p><p>“Does it look bad?” Mark asked nervously, tugging at the fabric of the waistcoat until it lay straight.</p><p>“No, Mark, you look good,” Donghyuck said, coming into the bathroom to adjust the collar of the shirt with nimble fingers. Mark watched as he pursed his lips in concentration, feeling out of place in his own skin. “You look really good. I’m actually kind of impressed.”</p><p>“You should style your hair off your forehead,” Taeyong suggested, squeezing into the bathroom like there was room, using his pointy elbows to move Donghyuck out of the way and pushing Mark’s hair off his forehead. “You have very nice bone structure.”</p><p>“Thank you,” Mark said awkwardly, clearing his throat. The tips of his ears <em><em>burned </em></em>with embarrassment. He wasn’t used to people being so forward with him (except for Jaemin, who was always flirting and being charming and open with his affection).</p><p>“The sleeves are a little long,” Taeyong said, fussing with the fabric that Mark had folded past his wrists. “I’ll fix it for you. And maybe tighten this up around your waist, show off your figure. Do you have pants?”</p><p>“Just my work pants,” Mark muttered, gesturing to the slacks he was wearing. “I have two pairs.”</p><p>“I don’t have any pants that will fit you,” Taeyong said apologetically.</p><p>“He looks fine like this, I think. Besides, it’s not like any of the kids at school can tell the difference,” Donghyuck said.</p><p>“You look great, Mark,” Jaehyun complimented from outside the bathroom, offering a dimpled smile that helped ease Mark’s nerves. “You definitely need to go to the formal now. Show up everyone there.”</p><p>Mark snorted. “I’m hardly the hottest guy in school.”</p><p>“No, but you are hot, so don’t leave your pretty boyfriend without a date and just go, okay?” Donghyuck said, perching on the counter and sending bottles toppling onto the floor. Taeyong scowled and smacked Donghyuck’s knee, but didn’t tell him to get off. “I’ll chill with Jae during his shift, it’ll be like a date.”</p><p>“Some date,” Mark said, but Donghyuck ignored him. “Okay, okay, I’ll go. Get out so I can get undressed.”</p><p>“And miss the show?” Donghyuck all but purred, though he slid off the counter and followed Taeyong out of the bathroom.</p><p>“Your boyfriend is <em>right there</em>,” Mark stressed, reaching for the t-shirt he had left in his backpack after changing into his work uniform.</p><p>“I’m taken, not blind,” Donghyuck said snobbishly. “But you’re right. Jaehyunnie, come put on a show for me.”</p><p>He dragged Jaehyun away. Mark made a disgusted face at Taeyong, who laughed and rolled his eyes at the couple before shutting the bathroom door and leaving Mark alone once again. Mark looked at himself in the mirror once more, pushing his hair off his forehead like Taeyong had suggested.</p><p>Donghyuck was right — he did look pretty good. He looked like he could be Jaemin Na’s date, and he imagined picking Jaemin up like in the movies, and slow dancing with him at the formal, and kissing him under the stars like all the cliches. It would be nice to forget his worries and just have fun with his boyfriend for a change.</p><p>And besides, it was important to Jaemin.</p><p>Mind made up, Mark pulled out his phone and opened up the messaging app to his last conversation with Jaemin. He looked at the contact name that Jaemin had set for himself (Nana with a bunny and a sparkling heart) and smiled.</p><p>He had a boyfriend to ask to the formal.</p><p>
  <strong> <strong>To: Nana 🐰💖 (xxx) xxx xxxx</strong> </strong>
</p><p>
  <em>hey! will you meet me before first period tomorrow? i have something to ask you :)</em>
</p><p>Delivered 11:39 PM</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>Mark always woke up before his alarm went off.</p><p>It was a habit he couldn’t kick despite the fact that most nights he didn’t crawl into bed until three, and his alarm went off at seven. He always woke up around six-thirty, unable to remember what he was dreaming about that woke him up.</p><p>He stared at the ceiling now, at the cracks in the plaster and the cobwebs in the corner that he needed to vacuum when he had the time. He wanted to drag himself out of bed to study, to do something productive since he was already awake, but his body protested the idea of leaving the warm cocoon of blankets.</p><p>Mark reached for his phone where he had plugged it in sometime last night, pressing the home button. His screen was void of notifications. Frowning, he unlocked his phone and opened the messaging app once again. Jaemin still hadn’t responded to him.</p><p><em><em>H</em>e probably went to sleep early.</em> Mark sighed, rolling over and burying his face in his pillow. He willed himself to fall asleep for the next half hour, but it didn’t work, and after a few more minutes he pushed himself out of bed and decided to get ready.</p><p>His eyes burned, and his legs ached, too many shifts and not enough sleep in between studying for school and actually <em><em>going </em></em>to school. He got ready slowly and left the house in a daze. He lost track of time — one second he was rounding the corner of his street and the next he was standing in front of the entrance to his school.</p><p>He frowned when he realized he couldn’t remember the walk to school, resolving to get extra sleep tonight since he didn’t have work. He checked his phone and sighed when he didn’t see any texts from Jaemin, heading to his locker as he typed out another message.</p><p>
  <strong> <strong>To: Nana 🐰💖 (xxx) xxx xxxx</strong> </strong>
</p><p>
  <em>did you oversleep hahaha i hope you’re not late today. meet me in the cafeteria at lunch?</em>
</p><p>Read 7:52 AM</p><p>
  <strong> <strong>From: Nana 🐰💖(xxx) xxx xxxx</strong> </strong>
</p><p>
  <em>i have an executive council meeting, sorry</em>
</p><p>
  <strong> <strong>To: Nana 🐰💖 (xxx) xxx xxxx</strong> </strong>
</p><p>
  <em>no rush it’s not like THAT important i guess lol. after school then?</em>
</p><p>Delivered 7:53 AM</p><p>No response.</p><p>Mark grabbed his books from his locker, and tried to shake off the uneasy feeling that something was wrong.</p><p><em>He’s just busy,</em> Mark tried to reassure himself, climbing the stairs to his class on the second floor. <em>He’s just busy, he doesn’t have time right now.</em></p><p>A little voice in his head. A demon on his left shoulder. <em>He used to always have time for you. </em></p><p><em>Stop it<em>, </em></em>Mark told it, but the thing about demons is that they don’t like to listen, and they don’t like it when you don’t listen to them.</p><p>“Hey, isn’t that Jaemin’s boyfriend?”</p><p>Mark pretended he couldn’t hear the three girls whispering at him as he stood outside his classroom, scrolling through his Twitter feed with his ears burning. He could feel three pairs of eyes on him, boring into his skin.</p><p>“Wait, Jaemin and Mark are dating?”</p><p>“I had no idea his name was Mark.”</p><p>“Isn’t he in your class?”</p><p>“But Jaemin bought couple tickets with Jeno?”</p><p>
  <em> What? </em>
</p><p>“Yeah, but everyone buys couple tickets to save money. Maybe his boyfriend couldn’t go.”</p><p>“Damn, imagine <em><em>not </em></em>going to the Fall Formal with your boyfriend. I feel kinda bad for Jaemin, he’s putting in so much effort to make the dance good for everyone else, but he’s not gonna have any fun himself.”</p><p>“Mark?” He looked up to see his Physics teacher waiting in front of the door which was unlocked and opened. He hadn’t even noticed his teacher walking past him. “Are you going to come inside?”</p><p>He swallowed against the lump in his throat and nodded, ducking into the classroom and making his way to his desk. Sat down and pulled out his phone.</p><p>
  <strong> <strong>From: Nana 🐰💖(xxx) xxx xxxx</strong> </strong>
</p><p>
  <em>sure, meet in the foyer? i have something to tell you too</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>Mark sat alone at lunch.</p><p>It was a common occurrence these days, when Jaemin was busy with student council or athletic council or badminton practice. But he felt the loneliness like a thorn in his side, glaringly obvious as he sat by himself at a table in the corner of the cafeteria.</p><p>He was working on an essay for SAP class, slowly making his way through the container of kimchi fried rice he had packed for lunch, and coincidentally looked up just as Renjun and Jeno walked into the cafeteria.</p><p>He didn’t pay them any mind, returning to his essay when a thought occurred to him. Jaemin had said he had an executive council meeting, but Renjun and Jeno were on exec, and they were sitting six tables away from Mark with burgers from the cafeteria.</p><p>And with abrupt, sickening clarity, Mark realized that Jaemin had lied to him.</p><p>He stood up from the table so quickly his chair scraped obnoxiously loud over the floor, but he couldn’t hear it over the ringing in his ears. Everyone in the cafeteria turned to watch him, but he just ran out, not bothering to give anyone a second glance.</p><p>He felt sick. He felt…he didn’t know how he felt but his heartbeat was coming too fast and his hands were shaking and he felt like he was going to die.</p><p><em>Don’t be dramatic<em>, </em></em>he told himself as he burst into the first floor bathroom and locked himself away in the stall furthest from the entrance. <em>It’s fine, it’s not a big deal. </em></p><p>Except it was a big deal.</p><p>Mark couldn’t handle lies. It was the reason why he struggled to make friends — why he struggled to trust others. It had something to do with his father (<em>“That woman was just a friend.” “I’m just going to the store, I’ll be back in an hour.”<em>) </em></em>and something to do with his first boyfriend (<em>“I love you, Mark.” “I never meant to cheat on you.”) and Jaemin knew that.</em></p><p>He didn’t cry. He sat on the closed toilet seat and stared at the stall door covered in typical bathroom graffiti feeling hollow, silent except for the way his breath stuttered a little in his chest. <em>I’m not going to cry. I’m not going to cry. </em></p><p>“Jeno, I’m going to kill you!” He jerked so hard he nearly fell off the toilet when the door to the bathroom burst open and Renjun’s voice filled the air, bouncing sharply off the tiles and echoing in his ears.</p><p>“I’m sorry, Jun,” Jeno whined. Footsteps, then the sound of the water being turned on. “I wasn’t thinking, I was just worried about Jaem.”</p><p>“Worried enough to brutally stab your Kool-Aid Jammer and spray me with grape juice?” Renjun muttered, but he didn’t really sound angry anymore. “I don’t think this is coming off.”</p><p>“I think the purple looks good on you,” Jeno offered, but Mark wasn’t listening anymore. Worried about Jaemin? What was wrong with Jaemin? “You think he’ll be okay, Injunnie?”</p><p>“I don’t know, Jen,” came the soft response. “Apparently Yangyang overheard Mark say something and told Jaemin. I don’t know what though, he wouldn’t tell me.”</p><p>Yangyang? Which one of Jaemin’s friends was Yangyang again? Mark thought back, wracking through his memories, and remembered a short kid with peach hair on the basketball team. The last time he saw Yangyang was…</p><p>Last night at the gas station. He had been buying snacks with his friends. What had Mark said, that night? What did Yangyang overhear?</p><p><em>The Fall Formal isn’t important to me. That’s what Mark had been saying to Donghyuck. But it’s important to Jaemin, so I’ve gotta find a way to go.</em> Yangyang must have only heard the first part and told Jaemin. Out of context, it sounded really bad. Even with context… Mark should have never said that.</p><p>He needed to find Jaemin. Now.</p><p>Scrambling to his feet, he pushed open the stall door so hard it ricocheted off the wall, startling both Renjun and Jeno. Their expressions hardened when they caught sight of Mark standing there.</p><p>“What the fuck, were you eavesdropping on us?”</p><p>“Where’s Jaemin?” Mark demanded before Renjun had even finished speaking. He backtracked, “no, sorry, I was here first.”</p><p>“Why should we tell you where Jaemin is? So you can hurt his feelings some more?” Renjun got right in Mark’s face, his nostrils flaring. Mark wanted to be intimidated but Renjun’s hair was fluffy and his shirt was soaked down the front so he looked as intimidating as a kitten. He wisely kept that observation to himself.</p><p>“No,” Mark said honestly. “So I can apologize.”</p><p>Renjun’s eyes narrowed. “Apologize?”</p><p>“Listen, what your friend heard…it was out of context, but it was still wrong of me to say, and I shouldn’t have.”</p><p>“What do you care?” Jeno snapped, and Mark had never seen him look so angry. Jeno was usually so gentle, and Mark rarely saw him without a smile. It made him happy, actually, to see that Jaemin had friends so willing to stick up for him. Even if they didn’t really like Mark. “The Formal isn’t important to you.”</p><p>“I’m still going,” Mark told him, too exhausted to put up a fight. “Honestly, I can’t make myself care as much as Jaemin does, but I gave up my shift just so I can go because it’s important to him.”</p><p>“Oh, what a big sacrifice,” Renjun said, rolling his eyes.</p><p>“Just because you’re lucky enough that you don’t <em><em>need </em></em>to work, doesn’t mean the rest of us are,” Mark gritted out, clenching his fists. He was angry, now, though he tried not to show it. “Just because you have the time and ability to focus on things like school dances and not bills and missed meals, doesn’t mean I do, okay? You have <em><em>no </em></em>idea what it’s like to be unable to call in sick because you’re worried about getting fired. Or what it’s like to wonder if you’re going to be able to afford to eat this week. Or how six hours off of a paycheck can mean losing your phone plan for the month. So don’t preach to <em><em>me </em></em>about sacrifice. I’m giving up what I can because I love Jaemin, but I can’t give up my entire life and my mom’s for him, too.”</p><p>Renjun just stood there, gaping like a fish. Mark immediately felt bad. Under the too bright lights of the bathroom, he looked worn out and emaciated. Probably stressed about student council stuff. It wasn’t easy, planning major events when the entire student body expected you to do well. Mark had never had that many people counting on him.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Mark said, his anger fading.</p><p>Renjun shook his head. “No, you’re right. I…I don’t know what any of that’s like. I always talk about how the student council is open and accepting, and I…wasn’t being any of that.”</p><p>“You just wanted to protect Jaemin, it’s okay,” Mark told him, “but please understand where I’m coming from too.”</p><p>Renjun faltered. “Y-Yeah. You’re right. I’m sorry.”</p><p>Jeno put his hand on Renjun’s arm to comfort him, turning to Mark. “Jaemin’s in the library.”</p><p>“Thanks,” Mark replied, and he really did mean it. He took one last glance at Renjun and Jeno, Jaemin’s friends but never his own, and left the bathroom, immediately breaking out into a run. He went for the staircase closest to the library, taking the steps two at a time and nearly falling on his face. He composed himself before he walked in, slowing his breath. The librarians hated when kids ran.</p><p>He walked through the doors and instantly headed for Study Room 3, Jaemin’s favourite. The other two faced the parking lot, but Study Room 3 looked over the park. Mark had committed this to memory the first time Jaemin had told him, and it came in handy now. He looked through the window and saw Jaemin hunched over his notes. He looked small and tired. Mark ached for him.</p><p>He pushed open the door and regretted it when Jaemin looked up at him, eyes red and face puffy. He wasn’t crying now, but he certainly had been at some point.</p><p>“What are you doing here?” Jaemin snapped, voice hoarse. Mark took a nervous step back.</p><p>“I-I was looking for you,” Mark replied. “I had to tell you something, but you said you had a meeting.”</p><p>He didn’t mean for it to sound accusatory, but Jaemin clearly took it that way.</p><p>“Maybe it wasn’t <em><em>important </em></em>to me,” Jaemin hissed, eyes alight. Mark took another step back, unable to handle the heat of his own words thrown into his face.</p><p>“I—Jaemin, what Yangyang heard, it was really a misunderstanding, but I still—“</p><p>“Whatever,” Jaemin cut him off, turning to his notes again. Mark bit his lip — Jaemin had never been the cold shoulder type, always choosing to vent out his disagreements and work to resolve problems. “It’s not a big deal, anyway.”</p><p>“About the formal—“</p><p>“It’s fine. I’m going with Jeno, anyway.”</p><p>Mark faltered. “Oh. You—you are?”</p><p>“Just as friends,” Jaemin said hastily, pursing his lips. “Like—Yangyang asked Renjun so I didn’t want Jeno to be alone. And the couple tickets were cheaper, so.”</p><p>“I—okay.” Mark’s voice came out so small he thought Jaemin wouldn’t be able to hear him.</p><p>“I can, like,” Jaemin began, “not do that. If—if you have a problem with it.”</p><p>He looked up at Mark expectantly, eyes narrowed. His expression dared Mark to say no. Mark wanted to run away. He wished he never came to the library. He wished he didn’t say anything at all, last night in the gas station.</p><p>“It’s fine,” Mark said finally, his voice cracking horribly on the last syllable. “I—you can go with… whoever you want.”</p><p>And with that, he turned on his heel and fled.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>A knock on the door made him wake up from his nap.</p><p>Donghyuck stirred next to him, having picked him up from the school when he called him after his failed confrontation with Jaemin. They had curled up on Mark’s couch and watched an old anime that Jaehyun recommended. Mark didn’t remember falling asleep.</p><p>He uncurled his legs and stood up, his knees nearly giving out. He must have been more tired than he thought. He inhaled shakily as he made his way across the room, pulling open the door mid-yawn.</p><p>He froze.</p><p>Jaemin was standing there, eyes hopeful and rubbing Mark’s skin raw as his gaze settled on him. He looked tired. He looked exactly how Mark felt.</p><p>Mark leaned on the doorframe, hoping to come off as casual, but really he felt like his legs couldn’t support him anymore. He had no idea why Jaemin was here.</p><p>“I’m so sorry,” Jaemin blurted out. Mark just stood there, stunned, as the impact of the words sank in. “I should have listened to you.”</p><p>“I’m sorry too,” Mark said hoarsely, clearing his throat with a grimace. Jaemin smiled a little, though it looked sad. “I shouldn’t have said… I shouldn’t have said those things.”</p><p>“Mark, you had every right to say that,” Jaemin said with a wet laugh. “You were completely right. I didn’t even realize how caught up I was that I couldn’t even see that. I am privileged to be able to worry about stuff like dances that—that won’t even matter two or three years from now. So I’m sorry, I—I didn’t even think about what you’re going through.”</p><p>“Oh, Jaemin. Life is so fucking short. Yeah maybe we won’t remember these dances in the future, but it’s important to find happiness in little things, okay? I was just being cynical, I can’t really help myself. And though I’ll never be able to bring myself to worry and fret over the details that you do, the formal <em><em>is </em></em>important to me. Anything you care about is important to me.”</p><p>“Mark,” Jaemin choked out. “I feel like I don’t deserve you.”</p><p>“Please don’t say that.” And because Jaemin looked like he wasn’t going to move, arms wrapped around himself, Mark reached out and pulled him into a hug. He wasn’t usually the one to initiate physical contact, mostly because despite Jaemin’s clinginess to anything that moved, he didn’t actually like PDA, which was fine by Mark. It took him a moment to hug back, but once he did, he tightened his fingers in the back of Mark’s t-shirt and buried his face in the crook of Mark’s neck. It only took a few seconds for Mark to feel tears against his skin as Jaemin trembled in his embrace. “Oh, don’t cry, Jaem, you know I’m not good with tears.”</p><p>“Shut up,” Jaemin said, pinching lightly at the flesh on Mark’s back. “I’m emotionally vulnerable right now.”</p><p>And they still had a lot to talk about, because Mark had said things he shouldn’t have, and Jaemin lied when he should have been honest, but for now he was okay with just holding Jaemin in the entrance of his home. He hadn’t realized how long it had been since he and Jaemin touched each other for more than a few seconds at a time. They both had been so busy, Mark with his job and Jaemin with his student council and other extracurriculars, that they hadn’t spent time together in so long.</p><p>Mark pulled away after a while, and his heart broke when Jaemin gave him a devastated look. He looked at Donghyuck, still sleeping on the couch. He wouldn’t mind, Mark decided.</p><p>“Do you want to come inside?”</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>Tears streamed down Mark’s cheeks against his will. Donghyuck held his face gently in one hand, looking concerned.</p><p>“Did I really poke you that hard?” He asked, waving around the eyeliner pencil in his other hand.</p><p>“I feel like I lost my eye,” Mark croaked, but eventually he managed to pry it open. Donghyuck examined it closely and deemed it okay. Mark didn’t really trust Donghyuck to be a good judge, but if he could see and there was no visible damage, he would probably be fine for tonight.</p><p>“You look good with eyeliner on though,” Donghyuck said, forcing Mark’s eyelid closed again so he could draw on a dark line above his lashes, smudging it out at the corner with a tiny brush. He had applied some weird copper shimmer earlier, and Mark had spent a solid minute looking in the mirror and tilting his face to look at the tiny sparkles on his eyelids. “‘kay, I’ll just get some BB cream on you and you’ll be good to go.”</p><p>Mark had no idea what BB cream was, but he trusted Donghyuck to not steer him wrong, so he sat patiently as Donghyuck squeezed some tinted liquid on an egg sponge and applied it to his face, dabbing kind of viciously. He said he was blending. Mark thought that Donghyuck just wanted an excuse to hit him in the face several times. Beauty was pain, and all that.</p><p>“Okay, I think you’re set,” Donghyuck announced after spraying Mark’s face with some fine mist. “Jaemin is going to want to <em><em>eat </em></em>you.”</p><p>“Don’t be gross,” Mark complained, but he <em><em>did </em></em>look pretty good. Donghyuck had managed to cover up his under-eye circles and most of the acne scars that dotted his jaw. He had pushed his hair back with some kind of gel, and filled his eyebrows in with a pomade and a teeny brush. “Thanks for all your help, Hyuck.”</p><p>“Yeah, yeah. Jaehyun will be here soon to pick me up.”</p><p>Mark pulled a face. “Don’t do anything weird in the gas station.”</p><p>Donghyuck rolled his eyes. “I’m not into exhibitionism. Come on, let’s go downstairs.”</p><p>And let it be known that Donghyuck Lee is an amazing actor, because when Mark walked through the doors to his building, he didn’t expect for Jaemin to be standing there, looking beautiful as ever in a dark gray suit. Mark touched his own dark gray bow tie, one that Donghyuck had picked for him, and laughed a little.</p><p>The smile that spread across Jaemin’s face was one that Mark would always remember. “You look amazing, Mark.”</p><p>“Not too bad yourself, Na,” Donghyuck said before Mark could say anything. He shoved at Mark until he stumbled forward, nearly falling on his face before Jaemin caught him. “Picture time! Put a smile on that ugly mug, Mark.”</p><p>“I’m gonna kill you,” Mark said calmly.</p><p>Evil. Donghyuck was <em>evil<em>. </em></em></p><p>But when Jaemin grabbed him by the waist and kissed him sweetly, Mark melted, forgetting about the world and about Donghyuck’s devilish tendencies.</p><p>He was going to the Fall Formal with popular kid, Jaemin Na, and nothing else mattered.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p><a href="https://twitter.com/jaemarkism">twitter</a><br/>  <a href="https://curiouscat.me/jaemarked">curious cat</a></p></blockquote></div></div>
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